I picked up a nickname when I was in my 20’s, Goddess of Chaos. Why? Well, while some people are born under a lucky star, I was born under Murphy’s Star. You know Murphy.. He has that law; anything that can go wrong will go wrong…yeah I am well aware of this law.

I can list off a variety of reasons and experiences to support this nickname, those of you who know me however; I merely have to say the phrase.. “Flat tire” and you begin to smile knowingly and understand what I am talking about.
So, I should have figured there would be some unexpected chaos with the pregnancy. I’d have to say that this time I have really outdone myself.
Every woman experiences some sort of uncomfortable issues during the course of her 40 weeks. Nausea, fatigue, leg cramps, constipation, food cravings or food turn-offs, stretch marks, weight gain etc. These are just a few of the usual suspects. Going into the pregnancy I expected to deal with most all of those listed above, just not all at the exact same time.
About a week after my positive home pregnancy results, I started to feel kind of queasy from time to time. I started nibbling crackers in the mornings, increased my water intake, and seriously cut back on eating or drinking anything sweet. For the most part, this seemed to get me through. I thought, “Okay, this isn’t going to be so bad.”

This phrase is what is known as Famous Last Words.

As I sit here writing this entry I am 37 weeks pregnant and the last time I barfed was yesterday afternoon. Oh yea, it is that bad.
The “morning” sickness moved into my body like that gross Mucinex Booger guy on TV and refused to move out.
I have tried every homeopathic remedy out there. Ginger is not the end all be all people, while it is fairly tasty and did help a smidge; it was like trying to catch the water from Niagara Falls in a thimble.
I am currently taking the most expensive anti-nausea drug available and wearing a pair of super sexy gray elastic sweatbands around my wrists 24/7.

Let me tell you it is not a fashion statement I ever wanted to make. Troy however does like them and calls them my punk rock bands.

If I was in better spirits about the whole thing, I might have taken some time to decorate them with lightning bolts, or skulls or something, but since my humor on this whole topic is rather thin, I didn’t.
Even with all of that, I am still dealing with sickness. Any strong odor sends me running. There are moments when I can’t even hear about food, see a commercial on TV (grilled chicken from KFC is so gross I can barely mention it in this post), so you can forget having any type of conversation about what I might want to eat for lunch or dinner.
This is very frustrating for poor Troy. He has had a lot of solitary meals, and missed out on some great resturant experiences due to my issues.
So ralphing for 37 weeks aside, how’s the rest of the experience? Pretty normal I guess…. I mean I have nothing to compare it to since this is my first one, and if Troy has anything to say about it, it might be my last. He has asked me several times which country I would like to purchase our next child from.
I mean isn’t it normal to faint from standing in the shower? To have a bloody nose that lasts for 30 plus minutes?

To feel totally fine one minute and then rush to the bathroom to suddenly get ill, only to arrive and have the feeling pass? Does everyone lose so much weight in the beginning, that when a tiny pooch of a belly finally does decide to grow it instantly puts to much strain on your belly button and herniated it, making it the single most tender spot in the world, to which to slight touch causes your eyes to tear up?

How about to then crack a rib coughing (since you can’t take any real cold medicine), or pull a hip out of socket, or feel like your skin is on fire because it is pulled so tight that a stretch mark appearing would be a welcome sign?

All of this and more have been the milestones of my pregnancy, and just so you know I am leaving a lot out that would just be too much information for any casual reader. I can hint only at this, I never thought that the perils of pregnancy would help me to understand frat boys so much.

So cross your fingers gentle reader that the delivery and some of the trials of raising this precious cargo of mine will be a little less traumatic than the process of growing her has been!